this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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