I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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