hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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