Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Randomize
