Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
