Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
