'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
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