i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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