I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Welp...herpes.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Randomize
