they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
