you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
