I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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