true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
