I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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