I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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