yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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