I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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