Duck Duck Cougar?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
