who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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