His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
