He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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