Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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