I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
