dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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