omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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