I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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