I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
