You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
