if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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