I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
