next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
