Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
