Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
