If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
