never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
