dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
