they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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