We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
