a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
