He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I understand Curling. That high.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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