thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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