how can u be prego again
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
