Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
