He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
