2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
