when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
