can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
