i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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