dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I AM VODKA MAN
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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