How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
