I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
